Home » General Discussions » General Discussion » OT: Jacko Jokes?
| OT: Jacko Jokes? [message #56819] |
Thu, 04 December 2003 15:10   |
Beanyhead
Messages: 549
Registered: February 2003
Location: Kentucky, USA
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Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?
A: "Feel the World."
Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest song?
A: "Don't let your son go down on me."
Rumor has it that Michael Jackson is in Switzerland undergoing cosmetic surgery on his pecker.
Then the description the California Justice Dept got from the little boy won't fit anymore.
Another rumor has it that he's finally going all the way and changing gender entirely.
Michael Jackson first wanted to look like Dianna Ross, then a white person, now he wants to be A ROMAN CATHOLIC PRIEST.
Q: What's Michael Jackson's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Little Boy Blew.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Little Boy Blue.
Little Boy Blue who?
Michael Jackson.
Michael Jackson's found a way to stymie that L.A. search warrant:
He's invited Lorena Bobbitt over.
Q: What did Michael Jackson say to Lorena Bobbit?
A: "SILLY Bobbit! Dicks are for KIDS!"
Q: What does Michael Jackson and Miss Bobbit have in common?
A: They both played with little wieners.
Q: What does Michael Jackson call a circumcision?
A: Foreplay.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Dr. Spock have in common?
A: They both know how to rear a child.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan have in common?
A: They both play ball in the Minor League.
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan?
A: One is in the Minors, the other is into Minors.
Q: Why's Michael trying out for the NBA?
A: He's a crack shooter.
Q: What does Michael have in common with NASA?
A: It's been 25 years since his first moon landing.
It was reported the other day that Michael Jackson wants to be one of the first civilians to travel into space.
A spokesperson for NASA said, "We're fine with the idea but the only problem is Jackson insists on coming back".
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Walmart have in common?
A: They both have small boys pants at half off!
Q: Why did Michael Jackson go to K Mart?
A: He heard they had small boys pants half off.
Q: What do Michael's rear and an LA jail have in common?
A: Both hold the juice.
Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?
A: Because they aren't his!
Q: Why does Michael Jackson want to move to Ohio?
A: He heard there's a Youngstown there.
Q: Did you hear that Michael Jackson was taken to the Emergency Room?
A: He was choking on a small bone!
Q: Did you hear about the new McDonalds McJackson sandwich?
A: It's a 35 year old slab of meat between two 12 year old buns.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common?
A: They're both 30 year old meat between 10 year old buns!
Q: How many times does 12 go into 35?
A: Ask Michael Jackson.
Q: How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Michael Jackson only screws little boys!
Q: Why isn't all the controversy bothering Michael?
A: He doesn't mind reaching bottom.
Q: What's soft and brown and sometimes found in little boy's diapers?
A: Michael Jackson's hand!
Q: What's the worst stain to try and remove from little boy's underpants?
A: Michael Jackson's makeup.
Q: What's white and in Michael Jackson's pocket?
A: His other hand.
Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson's toaster?
A: The bread goes in brown, and comes out white.
Q: Who's Michael Jackson's favorite poet?
A: Emily Dick in son.
Q: Why did Michael invite Macaulay Culkin to the house?
A: He's like the little boy he never had.
Q: How did Michael actually proposition the little boy?
A: It was just a slip of the tongue.
Q: What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A: Get out of my sun!
Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?
A: Throw him a buoy!
Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?
A: There's a Big Wheel parked outside his house!
Q: How can you tell when Michael Jackson is giving a party?
A: By all the Big Wheels in his driveway.
Q: How does Michael like to party?
A: He sips a couple of Tall Boys.
Q: What's Michael's favorite snack?
A: Slim Jims.
Q: What's Michael's favorite fast food?
A: Big Boys.
Q: What's Michael's favorite dish?
A: Creamed shrimp.
Q: Why is Michael so tough?
A: He can lick any kid on the block.
Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a perfect "10"?
A: Two 5 year olds.
Q: Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of the Boy Scouts?
A: He was up to two packs a day.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Rum have in common?
A: They both come in small tots.
Q: What does Michael hand round after dinner?
A: The under Eights.
Q: What's black and white and comes in little cans?
A: Michael Jackson.
Q: Hear about the new Michael Jackson doll?
A: It comes in a little can.
Q: Have you seen the new Michael Jackson candy bar?
A: It's white chocolate with no nuts.... (but kids like it)
Q: What's sex like for Michael?
A: Like candy from a baby.
Q: What is the worst thing about making love to Michael Jackson?
A: When the crib breaks.
Q: How do you find out Michael Jackson's sperm count?
A: Look it up in Webster's.
Q: How do we know Michael Jackson isn't really a virgin?
A: He's got children out the ass.
I'm still a virgin and I'm fore-tee-three, not even Madonna will have sex with me... Hee hee hee!!
I'm still a virgin, and I'm fore-tee-fore, not even Madonna will nok on my door... hee hee hee!!
Q: Why does Michael Jackson scream?
A: Because it hurts.
Janet and Michael Jackson were at home one night...
Janet: Shall we get a pizza and video tonight?
Michael: Yeah, ok, can we get Aladin?
Janet: No, just a pizza and video.
Michael said to Debbie one night, "I fancy some entertainment, what shall we do?"
To which Debbie replied "I know we'll get a video."
Michael then said "Great, I'll get Aladdin."
Debbie said speedily "No Michael, You have been in trouble for that before."
Prince Michael Jackson, Jr. -- you know in a few years they'll probably change his name to:
"The Child Formerly Known as Michael Jackson's Baby".
IT'S A PLAN
LONDON (Reuter) -- Pop superstar Michael Jackson proudly showed off his infant son, Prince, in a photo exclusive and interview published by a British magazine Tuesday, declaring, "I want my son to live a normal life."
Q: What were Michael Jackson's baby's first words?
A: Which one's mommy?
On November 19, 2002, Michael Jackson was photographed displaying 9 month old Prince Michael II to a throng of 200 fans by dangling him over the fourth floor balcony of the Adlon Hotel in Berlin. Prince Michael II had a white towel wrapped around his head. Perhaps Prince Michael II was recovering from plastic surgery because Michael thought that he looked too human.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby over a balcony?
A: Because he overheard his wife asking someone to drop the children off a few stories.
Michael decided to have a boy of his own because it's too expensive to rent them at $2 Million a pop.
Q: How do we know Michael is guilty?
A: Several children have fingered him.
Q: How will Michael pay off his old boyfriends?
A: Liquefy some assets.
Q: Why doesn't Michael have orgasms?
A: The big payoff comes a couple of months later.
Q: Why does Michael like children so much?
A: He knows how they feel.
Q: How did Michael get in trouble?
A: He was feeling a little Randy.
Q: How is Michael dealing with his problems?
A: He's holding his own.
Q: How are Michael's friends dealing with the problem?
A: They're all standing behind him.
Q: What psychological problem does Michael still suffer from?
A: Anal retention.
Q: How is Michael now?
A: Feeling a little crotchety.
Have you heard that Michael Jackson was spotted in the River Thames in London recently. At 1st it was thought that it was a suicide attempt but it was realized that he was just clinging onto a small buoy.
Michael Jackson was on his multi-million yacht off the Keys. It went down. The Coast Guard went looking; the Marines went looking; in the end it was OK though -- they found him bobbing up and down on a buoy.
Q: What was the big break in the Michael Jackson molestation case?
A: A doctor did a rectal exam of one of the boys bringing charges and found
... a white glove.
Q: What is the most difficult thing to get out of little boys underwear?
A: Michael Jackson's makeup!
Q: Why is Michael Jackson addicted to pain killers?
A: To stop him from going OW! OW! OW!.
Michael Jackson canceled a world tour on November 12, 1993, citing a dependence on pain killers.
Singer Michael Jackson abandoned his Dangerous world tour in 1994 after he became addicted to prescription painkillers, which he started taking after scalp surgery -- his hair had caught fire while filming a Pepsi commercial. http://www.solpadeinehelp.org.uk/realmag.php
The publishers of "Where's Waldo?" have jumped on the Multi-media bandwagon. This week they will be releasing a CD-ROM called "Where's Michael?" which features elusive pop star Michael Jackson. Users of the CD-ROM search through a virtual world of exclusive resorts and drug-rehab centers for Mr. Jackson, who will be obscured by hordes of bodyguards and lawyers. The only users who will be able to find Michael will be little boys, who will then be encouraged by a 3-D Jackson to find his Waldo.
Michael Jackson was on a ship with 100 boy scouts when it hit an iceberg and started to sink.
The captain announced "We're sinking! Everyone abandon ship!"
Michael asked, "What about the children?"
The captain replied, "F*ck the children!"
Michael looked around eagerly and asked "Do we have time?"
Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
A: He thought it was a delivery service.
Q: Where does Michael Jackson go to find a date?
A: Boys 'R Us.
Q: What does Michael call an orgy?
A: A fruit salad.
Q: What makes Michael Jackson so unique?
A: It's the little boy inside him.
Q: Did you know that Michael Jackson just turned 35?
A: Yeah, but he still feels like a 13 year old.
Q: What do Michael and Gaylord Perry have in common?
A: Both have held lots of wet balls in their hands.
Q: What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?
A: A Michael Jackson slumber party.
Q: How do you know when it's bedtime at the Jackson residence?
A: When the big hand touches the little hand...
Q: Why doesn't Michael sleep with boys anymore?
A: He's tired of all the cracks.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson Check into the Betty Ford clinic?
A: To get over his 11 year crack habit.
Q: Why does Michael really need to go to rehab?
A: He's a crack addict.
Q: What did Michael Jackson say when he got back to Neverland Ranch
from drug rehab?
A: You know, I feel like a new boy!
MICHAEL JACKSON'S BABY
I heard that shortly before having Michael Jackson's baby, the woman who was impregnated by him was asked some questions by some reporters:
Reporter: Have you been able to determine its sex?
Woman: No. I want to wait until after it's born. As long as it's healthy.
Reporter: Ma'am, I was referring to Michael.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson had a baby boy last week?
Yup, it's true ... and the week before that he had a 12 year old boy.
Michael Jackson had a boy. He also became a father!
He asked his wife's doctor how soon after the birth could he have sex.
The doctor told him he should wait until the kid is at least 12 or 13 years old.
Rumor has it that Michael Jackson's baby was conceived through artificial insemination. Pee Wee Herman was best man at the wedding. Coincidence? I think not.
Q: What's the first problem the Michael's child will have in life?
A: Figuring out which parent is his mother.
Q: What happens when Michael talks about sex?
A: It's all very tongue in cheek.
Q: What's sex like for Michael?
A: Child's Play.
Q: What's the difference between a plastic grocery bag and Michael Jackson?
A: Well, one's an artificial piece of trash that can harm little children,
and the other is used to hold groceries.
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a refrigerator?
A: A fridge doesn't toot after you take your meat out of it!
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a microwave?
A: A microwave won't brown your meat!
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne?
A: Acne doesn't come on your face until you're about fifteen.
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
A: One is pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost.
Q: What's the difference between Michael and Connie Chung?
A: Michael's been able to have kids.
Q: What famous celebrity had the most children over the last 10 years?
A: Michael Jackson.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson arrange for private shopping?
A: So his guests won't be accompanied by guardians!
Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book?
A: It's called "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing".
Q: What's Michael's favorite Canadian TV show?
A: The Kids in the Hall.
Q: What will they call Michael's new TV series?
A: Anus and Andy.
Q: Why has Michael been appearing on children's shows lately?
A: He has a lot to plug.
Recently Michael opened an amusement park...
You have to be at least 4 feet tall to ride Michael!
Q: Did you hear that Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding have decided to
begin training racehorses together?
A: Yeah, she's gonna do all the handicapping and he's gonna ride all the
three-year-olds!
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Willie Shoemaker have in common?
A: Both ride 4 year olds.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a racing jockey?
A: A jockey can mount three year olds legally.
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?
A: The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and the PLO?
A: The PLO pulled out of Jordan.
Q: What's the difference between Richard Pryor and Michael Jackson?
A: Richard Pryor got burnt on coke, Michael Jackson got burnt on Pepsi!
Q: Have you heard about the foundation that Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor have started?
A: It's called the Ignited Negro College Fund.
It's been reported that Michael Jackson will appear at a fund raiser to help raise money for Democrats.
In a related story Tito Jackson is going to appear at a fund raiser to help raise money for Tito Jackson.
In an effort to dissuade all this bad publicity, Michael Jackson has pledged a significant amount of his fortune to found a new university. It's going to be called, "Bring 'em Young."
Q: Why's Michael cutting down on public appearances?
A: He wants to spend more time with the kids.
Q: Who's happy when Michael Jackson gets a boy to stay over?
A: Bubbles.
Q: Heard about Michael Jackson's new songs?
A: I'm forever blowing bubbles!
Q: Why is Michael Jackson's album new entitled "Bad"?
A: Because he couldn't spell "Pathetic".
Q: Why was Michael Jackson grounded?
A: He was "Bad".
The lyrics to "Bad" say it all:
Your Butt Is Mine
Gonna Take You Right
Q: What did Michael Jackson do when his hair caught on fire?
A: He "Beat-it!"
Q: How do we know Michael Jackson is ready to release another album?
A: He has a lot of stuff in the can.
Q: Who will Michael record his next album with?
A: Les Brown.
Michael Jackson and Pee Wee Herman are have come out with a new video called... "I'll beat it for you."
Q: Which chips does Michael Jackson like to munch on?
A: O'Boysies.
Q: Where does Michael Jackson write his songs for the kids?
A: In his tanning salon.
Q: What did the mother at the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A: "Excuse me, but you're in my son."
Q: How do you neuter Michael Jackson?
A: Give him spiked gloves and tell him to sing a song.
Yup! When he had his tonsils removed, they accidentally put him on the table the wrong way round...
Q: What do any of the Mets have in common with Michael Jackson?
A: They all wear one glove for no apparent reason.
Q: Where is Michael Jackson's other glove?
A: In Brooke Shields' pants.
Michael Jackson went to church and confessed "Forgive me father, for I have sinned with young boys". The priest replied "It's OK, I have done it also."
The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson. If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make him a priest.
Q: How will they ensure that Michael gets a thorough body search?
A: Hire a Catholic priest to do it.
Q: What do Michael and Catholic school nuns have in common?
A: Both are a pain in the ass to kids.
CULINARY EMPLOYMENT NEWS
Jeff Smith, public television's "Frugal Gourmet", in the face of numerous accusations of trying to seduce teenage boys, has announced his departure from the long running series.
In related news, Michael Jackson has announced the arrival of a new executive chef at his secluded Neverland Ranch...
Q: Why did Pepsi sign up Michael Jackson for their ads?
A: Because he likes the taste of a new generation.
Did you hear that Pepsi signed Michael Jackson to another contract?
They felt that he was the only one who could suck that little boy out of the bottle.
Q: Why did Pepsi fire Michael Jackson?
A: Because he was caught sucking on a Squirt!!
Q: Why did Michael Jackson fail to renew his contract with Pepsi?
A: Because he found out that the main ingredient was Bubbles!
Q: Why did Michael Jackson put cheese on his willy?
A: Because kids will do anything for the taste of Dairy Lea!
I want to see some jokes about Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie!!!!!!!! They *are* the joke!
Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson marrying Lisa-Marie Presley?
A: If Elvis were dead, he'd turn over in his grave.
This is the worst news for the King since the invention of the child-proof cap.
If Elvis were alive, would he be driving a white Ford Bronco with blood stains on the driver door?
Q: What did Elvis say after seeing Michael and Lisa Marie on television?
A: "Boy, that's a relief. I though she married a black guy!"
Q: What did Lisa Marie Presley say to Micheal Jackson when he popped her
the question?
A: "Yes, I'll marry you. But promise me one thing... NO KIDS!"
Q: What was Michael Jackson thinking about on his wedding night?
A: Hmmm, now Lisa-Marie can give me a little boy of my own.
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OT: Jacko Jokes?
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OT: Jacko Jokes?
By: gendres on Thu, 04 December 2003 05:28 |
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By: Jaspah on Thu, 04 December 2003 13:27 |
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By: spreegem on Thu, 04 December 2003 14:50 |
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By: kawolsky on Thu, 04 December 2003 14:50 |
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By: rm5248 on Fri, 05 December 2003 05:03 |
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By: spreegem on Fri, 12 December 2003 18:20 |
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