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OT: Women [message #46560]

Thu, 11 September 2003 11:25

K9Trooper
Messages: 821
Registered: February 2003

Karma: 0

Colonel

Subject: Fw: Woman

Finally, after millions and millions of man-bashing
> emails, an observant (though quite likely deceased)
> male spent his final moments outlining an alternate
> reality.
>
> We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
> Now here are the rules from the male side. Please
> note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
>
> # 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
> it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
> about you leaving it down.
You have no idea how many arguments this one has caused at 2AM
>
> # 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
>
> # 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
> tides.
> Let it be.
>
> # 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
> that way.
>
> # 1. Crying is blackmail.
>
> # 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
> do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just
> say it! We'll get it for you, but just LET US KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!!
>
> # 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the
> calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
>
> # 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be
> any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
> your dress?
>
> # 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
> question.
> Please pick one.
>
> # 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
> what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
> # 1. A headache that lasts for seventeen months is a problem. See a
> doctor.
>
> # 1. Let us know about that funny noise in your car engine as soon as
> you hear it.
>
> # 1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
> fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
>
> # 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
> us act like soap opera guys.
>
> # 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse
> to answer, but still love you.
>
> # 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
> ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>
> # 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
> commercials.
My wife is guilty of talking during football and leaving the room during comercials
>
> # 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
>
> # 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
> months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
> girlfriends.
>
> # 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
> Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
> We have no idea what Mauve is.
WTH is Mauve
>
> # 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
> # 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
> mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
>
> #1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
> nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
> hassle.
>
> # 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
> answer you don't want to hear.
>
> # 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
> fine.
> Really, you look fine!!!
>
> # 1. It is neither in your best interest, or ours, to take the quiz
> together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
>
> # 1. Football and other sports are as exciting for us as handbags are
> for you.
>
> # 1. I AM in shape. ROUND is a shape
>
> Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
> tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping
> and I like camping.

R.I.P. TreyD. You will be missed, but not forgotten.